10 Things You Can Say to Your Doctor to Get Them to Take Your Pain Seriously (Instead of Gaslighting You)

For centuries, women have been blessed with a magical ability unknown to medical science: experiencing debilitating symptoms while being told they're "probably just stressed."

If you've ever left a doctor's appointment wondering whether your kidney stone was actually anxiety, this handy guide is for you.

1. "My husband is concerned."

Congratulations! Your symptoms have just been upgraded from "hormones" to "potentially worth investigating." Bonus points if your husband isn't actually concerned and is instead at home using things like... I don't know... the washing machine?

2. "This is affecting my productivity at work."

Nobody knows exactly why, but somehow "I am in terrible pain" can sound subjective, while "I am no longer generating shareholder value" suddenly creates urgency.

3. "Can you document in my chart that you declined further investigation?"

The healthcare equivalent of saying, "Could you repeat that into the microphone?" Watch as the room temperature changes by three degrees.

4. "I've already tried yoga."

You've got to get ahead of the classics.

"I've tried yoga."

"I've tried mindfulness."

"I've tried drinking more water."

"At this point I could teach a masterclass in deep breathing while experiencing organ failure."

5. "I'm beginning to suspect this isn't just a quirky personality trait."

Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think severe pain should be filed under "things that make you unique." Neither should fainting.

6. "What would you recommend if I were a 45-year-old man with these symptoms?"

Not saying the answer will be different. Just saying it might suddenly involve imaging, blood tests, and a specialist referral by Tuesday.

7. "This doesn't feel normal."

Doctor: "Pain is normal."

You: "Is it?"

Doctor: "Well, pain is common."

You: "So is food poisoning. We still try to avoid it."

8. "I've brought data."

Nothing strikes fear into the heart of a dismissive clinician like a woman with spreadsheets. Symptom diary. Pain log. Medication tracker. Colour-coded graphs. A pivot table. A statistically significant decline in your ability to tolerate nonsense.

9. "I know stress can worsen symptoms. What else could be causing them?"

A subtle technique. You're not rejecting the possibility of stress. You're merely getting ahead and suggesting that perhaps stress is not solely responsible for your left leg spontaneously going numb.

10. "I'd like a second opinion."

The medical version of requesting to speak to VAR. Not because your doctor is necessarily wrong - but because sometimes the phrase "it's probably nothing" deserves independent review from someone who hasn't said "it's probably nothing" seven times already.

Honourable Mentions

• "If my uterus is somehow responsible for this shoulder injury, I'd love to hear the mechanism."

• "Could anxiety also explain the broken bone visible on the X-ray?"

• "I'm not asking for Google-level certainty. I'm asking for more than a shrug."
  

Final Thoughts

Most doctors genuinely care and work incredibly hard. But many women have experienced symptoms being minimised, dismissed, or attributed to stress before proper investigation. So if you're sitting in an exam room wondering whether you're imagining things, remember:

• You are allowed to ask questions.

• You are allowed to seek clarification.

• You are allowed to get a second opinion.
  

And no, "Have you tried drinking more water?" is not the answer to absolutely everything.